That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
