kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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