Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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