thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
