we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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