Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
