they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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