So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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