Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
