Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
