I accidentally had phone sex last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
