a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
