I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
