Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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