I accidentally had phone sex last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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