His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
