Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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