A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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