Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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