He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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