tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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