I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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