You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
