I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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