his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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