i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
