Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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