Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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