Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to calm my uterus...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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