If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
