4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
