Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
