Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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