Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!