He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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