Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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