Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
