My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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