I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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