I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
