I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
