me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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