I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
