My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
