In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
