I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
