be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
