pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
