Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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