how can u be prego again
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
