is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
