theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
