either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think your dad took our porno
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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