I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need water and some morals
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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