I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
