You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
