Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
