I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's blow job season.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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