Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
