when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
