i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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