and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
