Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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