Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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